Asalaamu alaykum,
The post title comes from an article in
Psychology Today and is written by Jen Kim.
It is about the effect of negative messages we tell ourselves such as "I can't do this", "I'm too this or too that" and suggests that there is validity behind self-fulfilling prophecies.
Here are five things you must never say aloud:
1. I can't do this. Even if this is true, even if you are 100 percent positive you can't do something, do not say it aloud, and certainly, not around others. You have the choice not to do it if you don't want to, but do not announce your limitations. Keep it to yourself. Let your brain mull it over and work out the impossible details. The problem with declaring a barrier, is that once you say it, something in your head clicks, and you begin to tell yourself that you really can't do it and that you shouldn't even try. You've walked away from a door of opportunity without checking to see if it was unlocked.
2. Why does she get it and I don't? Once you start asking God, why it is that Marsha seems to have a charmed life, while you are relegated to Cousin Oliver status, it's over. Resentment fills up your heart and a little part of you gives up-- chalking it up to, "Well, life's not fair anyway.... so why should I even try?" With Facebook and other vanity social media sites, it's difficult not to believe that every person in your social circle has a more exciting life than you. If these websites make you jealous or feel sad, then get off of them. Don't make yourself suffer because of an unattainable photo-shopped picture you saw in a friend's virtual newsfeed.
3. I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, etc. We all think these terrible thoughts once in a while. That's fine. We can't really suddenly rewire our brain after society's lifetime of negative inculcation. But we can minimize the damage we inflict upon ourselves by not voicing these anathemas aloud. When I say "I'm fat," I immediately become fat and insecure. I look for compliments or an ego-boost from the person I am talking to... but if she does say, "No, you look amazing", I assume she is lying and is just trying to be nice or she feels guilted into it. What is the point of this dialogue exactly? I never feel skinny afterwards, anyway. The more effective thing to do-- than to carp on about your flaws-- is to fix them. If you feel fat, develop an exercise routine and make an effort to lose weight or whatever. If you feel ugly, then start watching YouTube videos on how to apply makeup correctly or build your confidence through other means (beauty, is, after all, confidence). If you are convinced you are dumb as rocks, learn something. Go to the library, take a course, inject some kind of knowledge serum into your brain. In other words, make an effort to change how you feel, so you will no longer say that you are fat, ugly, stupid, etc.
4. You're better than me. Sorry, no one is better than you. They are just better at executing their goals. We say,"...but you're better than me" to shirk responsibility, so we don't have to commit to doing our best or seek to reach excellence. After all, if another person is better than us, then we don't have to try as hard, since we wont be as good as him anyway. We think, "What's the point?" Lame example, but look at Steve Jobs. Had he adopted the Microsoft-is-better-than-me mentality, I would not be writing on this Mac. You would not be reading this on your iPhone, iPad, or Macbook Pro. Obviously, we are not all destined to become the next Steve Jobs in our careers, but some of us are. Why can't it be you?
5. I'll do it later. Later could be never. Tabling a task until this ambiguous "later" is essentially predicting the task's funeral. Don't put off later what you can accomplish now. We all have busy schedules, families, significant others, and friends to entertain, but life is about your accomplishments too-- so that you feel satisfied and happy. Don't use lack of time to excuse you from your dreams and needs. There was once a writer who worked a full-time teaching job, was a family man, and still found time (albeit, late in the night) to work on his novels every night. His name? Stephen King.
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| Pic from: http://bebettereveryday.com/positive-thinking-and-you/ |
